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                               Sensual Awakening

Wet dreams are very rare for me, to be experiencing one recently is absolutely… thrilling. Right now my groin area feels on fire and even thinking about anything remotely sensual is enough to send me over the edge.

Okay I must admit, there has been a little twerky jerky… no climax. I strained to control myself as my hands had a mind of their own. It seems their life’s mission to make me tingle, moan, sigh lustily, tremble, rise, thrust, and experience the pinnacle of enlightenment, where many say mere mortals and God (whichever name you prefer) are joined together for a lifetime.

Anyway enough of that glorified crap. The point is I am damn HORNY!!!!! I knew this was gonna be rough, and pictures like the one below don’t help.

                        Alan Ritchson

Okay, so I admit I have been looking at some pics (ahem… ‘n some vids) that make it hard for this undertaking. But come on, I’m a guy… you know… ok… I know, I have a problem. Atleast I think so.

I think may be addicted to porn. Gay porn, lets get that straight… not that you could, lol. But seriously does every gay man have this problem? Especially in a country like mine? Is it even a problem? Or is it our way of seeing things we long to be free to do (don’t think I would be allowed to put those pics up)?

Anyway, I think my energy has been channelled into yoga and exercise mostly. My abs becoming more defined, but I don’t know if it has anything to do with this.

           meditating Yoga

I can hardly type right now. I am thinking about the way I have been feeling during these few weeks and its torture to think about not doing what it is that I want to do. I can hardly think straight. Lol! Ok I fell into that one.

Anyway I gotta go channel this energy into something else before I burst. Most likely I’ll ber back infront of the computer looking at porn or end up fantasizing…. ahem, yeah all that. But so help me God whatever happens I am not going past the point of no return.

Wank ya Later.

W, X, Why? ZEDD

                         2 second rule

Trying to resistEverything going good so far. Caught myself going for the crotch a few times, but everything is cool. The cute hot guys seem to catch my eye too much now it seems, but with years of practice and the 2 second rule (never stare for more than 2 seconds) its all good.

Don’t know if there is any increase in energy or any change cause I have gone a whole week before strangling the chicken. Hopefully I won’t be having any public erections… who am I kidding I probably will, cause on a normal basis the bus vibrates vibrates me a little too well and I get an erection. Yeah, yeah I know, I’m turned on too easily. Things like that make me wonder if I couldn’t pull off the physical part of a heterosexual relationship… after all people already think I’m in one.

(***By the way if you like the pics, visit: http://www.beautifulmag.eu/beautiful/ for more beautiful creatures***)

Oh well, apart from the whole abstinence thing my health and fitness seems to be in Offergood shape these days. Don’t know if I wrote it here but I had lost about 50 lbs after being on meds for a while (see first few posts for clarification). Finally getting back to the body I had before and noticably turning a few heads on the street, especially since I started working and working out again since people have been saying that I’m killing the whole shirt and tie look. Anyway enough vanity.

Ha! Looks like I’ve replace stroking my magic wand with stroking my ego.

Anyway, life seems good if I just focus on the positive… even in this country. The last Harry Potter book comes out on Saturday, 21st July 2007! Seems a long way off but its something to look forward to…

Later

W, X, why? Z3DD

Tempting

Being that I’m a virgin gay guy living in a homophobic country, the no sex thing is a breeze. Not being able to relieve myself of the daily torment I have to suffer when ever I’m spend the day around hot guys… well that’s another story.

If you haven’t guessed yet, starting today I’m cutting out the carnal pleasure from my life for the period of lent (I ofcourse had my last fling infront of the computer last night). Even talking about it now gets me randy, as the British say.

I’m a very sexual person and the one guy that I’ve dated so far knows this to the extreme and I haven’t even had sex with him.

I don’t know how I’ll stick this out but the porn is gonna have to be on the back burner for a while. No more downloading or viewing. Hopefully I get something out of this, or learn something… hopefully.

That leaves me with a little more time and I’m sure a whole lot of energy, which I guess is good. I can use the time and energy to start writing again.

By the way, I’m now learning that I’m not so alone in this dreary land. There are people out there like me, even people I know, even people you might know… but I’ll save that for another time. At the new place that I work I realise that there are certain persons who are very open minded (maybe I’m just seeing what I want to see) and even one of the execs seem to be hinting that he is apart of the family, although he doesn’t look it. I’ve overheard few conversations between him and others. Don’t know if he is that stupid that he thinks I’m not listening, or whether he’s very comfortable with himself and his co-workers (which would lift my spirit to know that they actually co-exist and interact with him even after knowing that) or my over-active imagination is at it again.

Anyway… next time I will have more energy for this. I’m still still recovering from last night ;), so later.

August 2017
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Books I’m currently reading:

"The Richest Man in Babylon"
by George S. Clason (recently finished)

"Eragon"
by Christopher Paolini

"The Historian"
by Elizabeth Kostova