Not so free yet

The net is so fun, especially when your computer and your… ahem… can keep up. Finding a lot of funny stuff on youtube, can’t believe I’ve never checked it out before. The video They are NOT Gay is so funny, among… ahem… other things.

Feel so trapped. I wanna go out. I don’t like lieing and I know that’s what I’m going to have to do if I go out with someone or to someplace that my mother doesn’t approve of. I mean its hard enough to find persons within this special family, not to mention finding places where we can be free. BTW if you didn’t know, I live in Jamaica. My country is currently in the top five in the contest for the most Bigot and Homophobic country in the world… but oh well life goes on.

Coming out of the place where you hang your clothes, is not really an option in this Country as you may have realised, so most persons I’m assuming think that I’m on the straight and narrow. I need to be independent. I can’t wait for the day when I can live by myself or even leave the Country (although that has its downside, cause Jamaica minus the homophobia, the poverty and the voilence is paradise).


I got my new computer and although it hasn’t registered that my computer is not 7 years old and obsolete anymore, I’m enjoying it to the fullest and having the hardest time going to sleep.

This is so cool, I can actually listen to music, download a file, install a program, update Windows and surf the net at the same time, which is what I’m doing right now. Finally, life gets a little easier. Finally I’ll be able to play my Chessmaster cd.

Anyway just wanted to get that off of my chest.

Ne-yoI’ve been reading all over the internet especially on message boards, that the incredibly talented songwriter/ singer, Ne-yo, is gay. It was also stated that he would be announcing this in October’s issue of Essence magazine.

I don’t know if this is another ploy to further his album sales and publicity. If it is, its working. I love his songs and his videos and for the first time I actually googled him, just to show you that this rumour is working overtime, cause I rarely google artists unless they capture my attention.

Yes you read right, rumour. Atleast thats what they’re telling us it is on Apparently the writer who is reported to have covered the interview doesn’t work for Essence.

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. They really played upon the desire of most black gay men out there to see a talented Artist such as Ne-yo representing the other side of the coin. Not true? Well I can only speak for myself then. I would love to see an black out-of-the-closet artist of my sexual persuasion as successful as the straight ones out there today.

The first time I saw that rumour my heart skipped a beat and I thought, the world is finally changing. I thought, at last someone I can identify myself with. But as it turns out, this was only wishful thinking. 

Just felt like writing something. I’ve been reading some blogs lately, especially on writing and books. It has shown me that my reading list is extraordinarily short compared to others and the fact that there are so many books out there to read. Read somewhere that you should try writing for atleast 10 minutes and type or write as rapidly as you can, write anything that comes to mind, just get it out. So here I am writing.

I won’t exactly write for 10 minutes but with the way my computer is going I probably will. Just wish I could get my hands on a better computer, a laptop preferrably. My computer was born in 1999, which makes it 7 years this December, 60 years in Computer years.

My mother’s married boyfriend is getting on my nerves. Seems that he just takes delight in telling me what I already know or what I know I should be doing. Yeah I know I’m lazy at times, but my God, does he have to say these things with that damn condescending smirk on his face? I know he means well but since lately it just seems like he takes pleasure in telling me what I did wrong and what I’m supposed to be doing. He’s making me very angry everytime he comes over here, cause I just wait for him to say something to to dampen my spirit. I always thought of myself as patient and tolerant but this guy is driving me up the wall. The fact that he’s screwing my mother and then going home to his wife is just the “shytcling” on the cake.

It been a long time now that they’ve been together, I suspect it started even before I noticed something was up. You see he just happens to be the husband of my mother’s boss and therefore has been in my life since I was born. I wonder if she had him on the side while she was with my father (he’s married too).

Makes me so angry. Need to vent, maybe some yoga, or maybe… sorry I’m rambling. Truh! @@#@#$$%$&^%*%ER! Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!

Anyway just getting some crap out of my head. Just sending my trash into cyberspace. Maybe I’ll find something more constructive to write about next time.

Passing Through Front CoverJust finished Passing Through by Colin Channer, a Jamaican born author. It was good especially the way the stories were interconnected. He used a lot of big words though, and at times I couldn’t tell if he was being pretentious or just being naturally eloquent on a level that I have not reached as yet. Overall it was good. Its sensuality will definitely fog up your glasses, and the flow was decent enough to keep me hooked during those nights when the electricity was gone.


It reminded me of what I was missing from books I normally read, a taste of the Caribbean atmosphere, something I’m familiar with since I live in Jamaica. The beaches though, as he describes where some of the natives lived on this fictional island, aren’t that available to most people in Jamaica. Contrary to popular belief the average person in Jamaica doesn’t spend long Read the rest of this entry »

Beyonce SI

Beyonce was just giving us a taste of her musical prowess when she released, or should I say leaked, Deja vu. Now she is blowing my mind with her new song “Ring the Alarm” that was leaked earlier this week. I got a copy of it off the net and it totally blew me away. The song gets my blood flowing and calls upon my primal urge to dance. Hopefully I’ll be able to get the album cause I know this is going to be a HOT one.

For now the two songs, RTA and Deja vu are more than enough to get my Beyonce kicks during the day (I know, that sounded perverted to me too).

Brotherly LoveI was at my Father’s house the past weekend, Friday to this morning. My half-brother, who lives in England, was there visiting and I finally got up the nerve to share with him something I instinctively knew he would understand: the fact that I am gay.

He is of that persuasion as well, as he confirmed my suspicion to me when I talked to him, so it was pretty easy for him to accept and understand. It was the first time that we ever really connected as since the first time I met him, at the age of 13 I think, we never really found time to talk during my brief visits and then ofcourse he took off to England to pursue his career and to lead a much better existence (we live in Jamaica, figure it out).

Our talk was yesterday and we’ve talked since about my sickness, his current relationship, his gay friend that I had the mysterious coincidence of meeting over the net, and his passion, music. He’s glad, as am I, that he now has someone to talk to about this in the family as he hasn’t told his Mother and our Father yet.

He’s older than me and therfore has more experience and the wisdom that comes along with it. He’s an extremely busy person but I will look forward to the times when we can reason with each other, especially since we now fully realize that we have something in common.

I’m home alone doing some research on this whole Fallen thing. So far I’ve learned a little about the Nephilim, and the book that the show “Fallen” is based on seems very interesting.

Found this website on one of the boards: Pretty interesting.

I'm always thinking, means I'm alive 

Hello world. Zedd here. This site is so cool. I’m kinda tired so in the morning this will seem like a lucid dream. I was obliquely lead to this site by “Fallen”. Hopefully the investigation will be fun. If you don’t know what I’m talking about visit this site:, maybe it will clear things up. I hope to have a bright future in blogging, wish me luck.

Off to bed.

May 2018
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Books I’m currently reading:

"The Richest Man in Babylon"
by George S. Clason (recently finished)

by Christopher Paolini

"The Historian"
by Elizabeth Kostova