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Hmm… am at home propped up in ma couch, taking in some brain mushing tv. Should be studying but yet here I am. My knack for pulling off the magnificent at the last minute seems to be coming in handy these days. Last minute cramming for tests and last minute compilations of projects seems to now be my forte.

Got a promotion recently. Loving it. I will be making the same amount of money in half the time. More time for school work so hopefully by summer when the half time working hours kick in I’ll have much more time for school and extra curricular activities :).

My writing has ofcourse taken a backseat but hey am not slacking off for a whole year again. So am here yet again with my signature rambling.

Am about one year deep in my relationship. I love him. Not sure what that means, but I know how I feel. I love him.

 Its true though that relationships, good relationships, take time and alot of work. Nothing is perfect and although we have some truly awesome times between us… hmm.. really good times :), there are times when he just gets on my nerves. Self involved, bitchy and a narcissistic ego that never quits. Sure, I signed up for it all. He’s hot, a model. I expected it. So that at times has me thinking extreme thoughts: Kick this bitch to the curb, you can do better.

But… he makes up in so many other ways. For the rare times the bitch in me actually came out I see it in his eyes. His love is real. Scary real. It makes anything else that may take away from what makes us good for each other, pale in comparison.

Is it wrong to want to see that look so much that nothing else matters?

The chemistry we seem to have is so strong that even in a culture like this, where our love is taboo,  I can see when he for a moment forgets where we are. We’re walking in a public place and he unconciously gets too close to me. Face just a lil too close to mine. Body brushing just a little too close than normal. Ofcourse it happens to me as well. In a culture such as this it is certainly taboo for a guy to be feeding another guy soda through a straw at Burger King. I did it anyway because I love him. I did it because I crave that look, that touch.

I am trying my best to be careful though. I’m not stupid. But I’ll be damned if this country takes away my chance at happiness. The chance of holding the one I love till he falls asleep, as he recovers from our extra currcular activities 🙂

I have not written in so long its not funny. I stopped my finger and keyboard tap dance for awhile. I got distracted by the many things that life has to offer and the fact that I have become much more comfortable with my sexual orientation.
I have in many ways come out of my shell. Last year I began socialising with persons like myelf. Started going to parties, making new friends and even one or two enemies. Anyway, fact of the matter is I started to live again. As a matter of fact I started to live period. I have become much more confident. I am beginning to become fully cognizant of the beautiful Jamaican black gay man that I am and the fact that I have so much to offer.
I now have a job that I have kept for over a year now. Yaaay me! Yes my independence is well on its way. Not quite out of my mother’s house yet but am working on that. In the meantime I am not as restricted as I used to be. My mother now has let go just enough for me to have my own life. She now knows about my lifestyle and while she doesn’t agree with it she now atleast knows the truth. She can now stop bugging me about who my current girlfriend is.
In the past year I have gone through one on and off relationship, that I still have hesitations even )classifying as a relationship, and now see it as a learning experience as all things we go through in life usually are. My current relationship came out of nowhere earlier this year when I was about to bury my head in the sand and call it a year. Fun, energetic, ambitious, cute and hot to death, sexy…. oh damn I need to stop. Getting a hard on and that path leads to this blog being unfinished. Ahem… yeah 🙂 so I have a new man in my life and so far so good 🙂
So love, work, growing as a person…. what have I forgotten. Oh yes! I can now officially call myself a University Student. Studying part time to become a future hacker and gay porn site web administrator. LOL! I kid! I am doing my degree in computing and loving every minute of it. Yes the stress and the glory, the good marks and the… well I don’t get those 🙂
Life is good. Can’t complain. I am now trying to squeeze one more thing unto my plate and that is my writing. For now its my little secret between you and I. This is the medium I provided for myself last year to kind of keep intouch with this side of myself and I have now decided to get back on the little black horse. Allowed him to kick me off last year but am back bitches! So I am gonna be riding on and off. Rambling here and there.
By the way this blog is purely theraputic for me mself and moi so yeah I hereby apologise from now for bad grammar, spelling, fragmentation and any other bad writing errors you can name. Am just pouring ma thoughts out…. hmm.. I guess you can call it my online diary so to speak…
Anywho… am out. Well out to the Jamaican gay community and to my Mom… but yeah 🙂 … bye 😉
October 2018
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Books I’m currently reading:

"The Richest Man in Babylon"
by George S. Clason (recently finished)

by Christopher Paolini

"The Historian"
by Elizabeth Kostova